A Place For Me

by Anna Hoyler

Ambika’s eyes flew open, her breath coming in hard gasps. She sat up, her hands gripping the homespun quilt. The only light in the room came from the stars outside her open window. She sat still, trying to chase away the memories of her dream. Finally she gently blew on the wick to her candle; it glowed a moment, then burst into flame, lighting her room. Carefully the young girl took the candleholder and headed for the door. The drafty corridor tried to blow out her candle, but she whispered to the flame, encouraging it to stay lit. On the tips of her toes she passed the room her parents slept in, and carefully climbed down the stairs. The kitchen was a little harder, as she had to pick her way through the servants and house slaves sleeping on the floor. Carefully she eased the door open enough to slip through and stepped out, but not before her beloved dog Toaddy got his head through. The old dog had lost one of his legs in a fight, and her father had been about to cut his throat, but Ambika had begged. Smiling, she let the dog out and looked around. There, at the end of the porch, someone was seated on the railing, silhouetted by the moonlight. Ambika approached fearlessly, and, setting her candle aside, pulled herself up on the railing around the corner from him.

“Another nightmare?” A male voice that sang with comfort, safety and strength asked.

Ambika nodded and sucked at her thumb. She started swinging her legs to try and keep her bare feet warm; she hadn’t thought to grab a robe. Seeing her discomfort, the man shrugged off his own cloak and laid it over her.

“Did you speak to your mother?” He asked.

Ambika nodded again, pulling the robe up and used it to wipe away a tear.

“Say no more.” The man bent down and held out a hand to Toaddy, who sniffed it then rubbed against it. Obligingly the man began to scratch the old dog’s head.

“This one—Toaddy, right? —he lost his leg somehow. But he was once a fine hunting dog. Why do you have him?”

“Because without his leg he can’t keep up with the hunt. He don’t belong there.” Ambika scrubbed her eyes with the soft fabric of the cloak.

“He don’t belong.” The man repeated thoughtfully. “That can happen to people to. Something happens and they find that they no longer belong.” Rising to his feet and turning the man lifted Ambika gently down. “That is what happened to you. Now, do not get me wrong, your parents still love you, as a matter of fact, they love you very, very much, but you just no longer belong with them.”

“Where do I belong?” Ambika asked fearfully.

“That, I wish I could tell you, but I can not. I can only promise that eventually you will know without a doubt where you belong; until then, I offer you Safehaven. This is where I belong: my home. It will not just be the two of us, but you will be the youngest. Lauren and Shishi’o are both older than you by many years. But I promise you, with all my honor, that you would be a ray of sunshine in our lives.” The man brushed tears from her eyes and lifted her into his strong arms.

“I wanna to go to 'Haven with you.” She said around her thumb.

“All right, but first we must make sure your parents know you are safe.” He carried her inside. “We will wait for them in your room, all right?”

“Careful! The servants and stuff sleep in the kitchen.” Ambika warned as the man laid a hand on the door handle.

“Thank you.” He whispered, and slid into the house and around the sleeping bodies to the stairs. Once back in her room, Ambika remembered something she’d forgotten many times since meeting this man.

“Mister?” She pulled on his tunic front to get his attention.

He responded instantly. “Yes?”

“Do you got a name?” She asked.

“Master Jairdan.” He replied. “What about you?”

“I’m Ambika. You can call me Bika.” As he tried to set her on her bed she struggled and clung to him. With a patient smile Master Jairdan lifted her back up and settled into the rocking chair by the stove. At his encouragement Ambika called the fire back to a cheery roar. Settling against his chest, Ambika’s eyes slowly closed and she faded into the deepest sleep she had enjoyed for a long time.

The next morning Ambika came down the stairs to the sounds of her parents and Master Jairdan’s voices.

“I don’t believe this!” Her father shouted.

Master Jairdan said something not quite distinguishable.

“She’s a child! Children are prone to imagining things!”

More unhearable things from Master Jairdan.

“No, I won’t believe it! Out-out-GET OUT OF MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!” Her father screamed. Ambika flinched and fled back to her own room.

Sitting on her bed, fighting tears, she muttered to herself. “I’ll show him,” And commenced to reviving a fire in her stove. When her nurse came up Ambika had allowed it to spread to the bed, cutting herself off from the door. The old nurse screamed and fled down the stairs shouting the alarm. Servants entered and tried to put out the flames. Ambika allowed the fire to burn hotter, letting it eat up the fabric of her quilt. By the time her father had entered the room was filled with the stench of burning feathers from her mattress, but Ambika was too deep in to realize he was there. She saw someone try to reach her. Annoyed by this she had the flames shoot upward and heat up, driving the invader back. She was safe, surrounded by hot voices, cocooned in warmth. Lulled by the music of the flames, she allowed them to come closer to her, licking up the floorboards. Slowly she held out a hand to them and let the flames dance a crossed her skin. The flames didn’t sting her, as she’d always been told, but rather it kissed her hand with gentle love.

“Ambika!” A sharp voice burst through her safety as a cold splash of water. “Stop before you destroy the house.” Slowly she lifted her eyes from the flames and fixed them on Master Jairdan’s face. He stood in the doorway, half behind her father.

“Ambika!” He said again. At his feet sat Toaddy, whimpering in fear of the flames. The little girl looked around. The flames laughed as they ate the floor, ceiling, walls, and everything else. With a frown Ambika ordered it back to the stove. The fire fought against her, biting into her hands. With a cry she pulled back from it, and screamed for it to return to the stove. Reluctantly, it obeyed. When the room was devoid of flames, Master Jairdan sent her father a sideways glance. The man was dumb struck, staring at the destruction his baby girl had wrought in her room. Master Jairdan turned back to Ambika and called her gently to them. She carefully picked her way over the weakened floor and stumbled, shaking, into her father’s arms. When he finally let her out of his arms, most of the servants and Master Jairdan had left the room.

Ambika’s father carried her down the stairs and out the kitchen door, to where Master Jairdan stood leaned over the pigsty. Her father set her carefully on the fence and leaned on the other side of her from Master Jairdan. The two men were silent for several minutes as Ambika favored her stinging hands. Then her father spoke.

“I have come to see that,” he paused, emotion making his voice thick. Ambika looked up, surprised.

“You may be right, about my daughter.” He finished finally. Master Jairdan turned away as her father wiped something that looked a lot like a tear out of his eye.

“Now, I haven’t spoken to my wife yet—she’s in town and comes back today—but I think that it would be good for Ambika to go with you.”

Ambika’s eyes widened, first in excitement, then in alarm.

“But I don’t wanna go away!” She said, pulling at her father’s shirt, tears filling her eyes.

“Bika.” Master Jairdan reached out and gently caught her hands. “Remember what I told you last night? About Toaddy?” As the small child nodded, he pulled her into his chest. “Have you ever wondered if Toaddy really wanted to stop being a hunting hound?”

Ambika scrubbed at her eyes with her sleeve and shook her head no.

“Sometimes, you have to leave some nice places behind. They may be beautiful, and you may even have people who love you there, but deep in your heart you know something.” He paused and lifted her head to make eye contact. “You can feel that here right? This is not where you belong.”

Ambika slowly nodded her head.

“Now, I can see this now, and I am praying this does not change, but your daddy loves you, and he wants what is best for you.”

“Why would it change?” Her father asked.

“I have two other child I am taking care of and instructing. One of them is orphaned or abandon; the other is disowned. His parents could not handle the idea that their son could sense their thoughts.”

Ambika’s father pulled her tight.

“I myself had the advantage of my parents supporting me. They did not understand what was happening to me, but they continued to love me. If they had not, I would not be who I am now.’

“Now, will you swear before heaven and your child that you will support her, no matter what happens or where her search takes her?”

“I will.” Her father answered, firmness keeping his voice from breaking.

Three weeks later Ambika lifted her head from Master Jairdan’s shoulder to see before her an amazing palace carved out of a towering cliff.

“Welcome to Safehaven.”

He whispered to her as the warm sun’s rays struck the cliff above them, marking the shapes of a young man, who must be Lauren, and a young woman with the lower body of a spider. Ambika recognized her, from Master Jairdan’s description, as Shishi’o.

As Master Jairdan took her into the hidden entrance, Ambika looked to the rising sun and knew that this place, this ‘Safehaven’, would be just that, a safe haven for her to run to as she searched for the place she belonged. Entering a tunnel, Master Jairdan pushed a stone door shut, cutting her off from the sunlight, and she smiled to herself.

“Don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll find that place I belong.”

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