The Hazards of Schedules

by Anna Hoyler

“Captain Freedom? Doctor Chaos is on line one.” Miss Morrison, Captain Freedom’s secretary announced over the intercom.

“Thank you.” Captain Freedom replied and touched the appropriate button. “Captain Freedom here.”

“Captain Freedom.” Doctor Chaos’ harsh voice filled the room.

“It has been too long, Doctor Chaos.” Captain Freedom replied.

“That’s why I’m calling. We haven’t fought in over three months.”

“Hm…true. You haven’t tried to take over the world in quite some time.”

“Have you seen insurance rates on doomsday machines? They’re ridiculous!” Doctor Chaos shouted.

“I have to admit I hadn’t been paying attention to…” Captain Freedom didn’t get to finish his remark.

“And if I step on ANYONE’S toes, I’ll face five lawsuits! Lawyers—LAWYERS! They’re ruining it for everyone!”

Captain Freedom flinched knowingly. “I’m facing two right now for people getting injured while I rescued them from a burning building. Unfortunately, we can’t change lawyers. So, what do you propose we do? You know, to get together?”

“I was thinking we could meet for an epic fight.” Doctor Chaos replied.

“Excellent idea.” Captain Freedom opened his PDA. “How about tomorrow, two to four?”

“Not good. I’m reviewing the hoards. How about Wednesday starting at 3?”

“Won’t work for me. Snail-dude is going to try to destroy the world’s potato chip market on Wednesday, so I allotted him all day. What about the 23? I’m open for a quick skirmish that evening at eight.”

“Um…let’s see…Nope.” Doctor Chaos sighed. “Come to think of it, I’m booked all month. What about next month?”

“I’ve got a superhero conference for the first two weeks, and after it I’ll have a couple of days before I have to rush to the Artic to prevent an ancient evil from conquering the Southern Hemisphere and bringing about the end of the world. Not sure how long that will take.” Captain Freedom rubbed his forehead as though anticipating a headache.

“Then we’ll have to wait for summer. My son is graduating from Evil Villain High on Mars.”

“Oh, congratulations! You and Mrs. Chaos must be so proud!”

“Thank you, and we are.”

Captain Freedom touched the screen of his PDA. “Summer…let’s see…hm, I’m doing a camp for middle school boys most of July, and the last two weeks in August I’m taking a cruise. I’ve got some time in between them.”

“Sorry, that’s my vacation, and I promised my wife no work from the first to the twenty-fifth.” Doctor Chaos apologized.

“That’s fine. Let’s see…September is no good, I’m going on tour. Motivational speaking.” Captain Freedom spun a pencil on his desk.

“I’m going to a conference in October, addressing the scientific community on my new mind control device.” Doctor Chaos rustled some papers.

“Which takes us to November. I’m open all day the twenty-seventh?”

“I’m busy. December twenty-first?”

Captain Freedom sighed. “Christmas shopping. What about Christmas itself?”

“Family coming in. This looks like we better wait until next year.” Doctor Chaos sounded as tired as Captain Freedom felt.

“You’re right. Have your people call my people after the first.”

“All right. Thank you for your time!”

“I’ll let you know if I get any opening. Good bye.”

“Bye.”

Captain Freedom hung up his phone and stared at his schedule. Rubbing his growing forehead he tucked his PDA away and hurried to meet his sidekick Birdboy for lunch.

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