What I Write When I’m Bored, Part 2

by Brendon Cook

The Computer

I don’t see what all this fuss is about computers. People say that they can change the world, but all that seems to have changed is that I now have a headache. The computer that I bought was a Dell with Intel Inside Centrino Dual Core processors, and an N-Vidia 3-D graphics chip, and the monitor is a 15 inch plasma HD flat-screen nooble-wiki. I added that last part just to show you that I don’t know diddly about what any of that means. Actually, I think it’s P__-diddly now, but when it comes to fads, well, let’s say that I’m a square. Anyhoo, I also got connected to AOL dial up. I got it because I love the guy that says “You’ve got mail!” The only problem though is that I keep dialing up, but I’m not connecting to the internet. I swear I’ve tried every number in the phonebook, and nothing. Well, next to nothing. My phone bill is three-thousand dollars. I wanted to get DSL, but that sounds so… ugly.

Gas Prices

Why is everyone complaining about the cost of gasoline? It’s gone up to at least two dollars per gallon (the price may be more or less if you’ve recently traveled in a time-machine). I don’t understand it; I have six dollars saved in the bank, which is almost ten times the current price!

Psychotic?

I went to see my psychiatrist the other day. He says that I have a brain disease called… um, I can’t remember. The only reason I went to see him in the first place was because the Killer Mono-chromatic Duck told me too. He’s sweet, and has all these interesting stories to tell. He said that the psychiatrist would help me stop the evil oranges. I swear, every time I go into a grocery store, they all leap at me, trying to beat me down. I usually manage to avoid them. Almost every grocery store in the world carries them. Bananas have them hidden inside the peel. Oh, shoot. It’s four o’clock. If I don’t get to the store soon, the cantaloupes and raisins will join with the oranges.

Chat Room Talk: The Translation

LOL= Lots of Lemons (This is used when you think that the other people are mean.)

POS= Short for “Positive” (this is nerd speak for Okay)

BRB= Be ‘Round Back (This means that they’ll be waiting back-stage for you. This only applies to band fan sights.)

GTG= Got To Go (This is used when they need to go to the bathroom. They should only be gone three minutes.)

NM= Not Me

WUT^= What’s the exponent? (Again, nerd-speak. This is used when they’re discussing quadratic equations and factoring.)

CU L8R= (Even I don’t know this one! I think it has something to do with nerds again.)

If you use this handy reference guide, you’ll be cruising your way through chat-room after chat-room. I’m sure that one of the abbreviations that you’ll be seeing a lot is: WTF= What The Fabulousguy! (This is a complement and has no inappropriate context whatsoever, or else I wouldn’t put it in a story.)

CU L8R
 

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