What I Write When I’m Bored

by Brendon Cook

Ho Hum

I don’t know what to type. My mind feels like it was just dehydrated, filled again with chlorinated water, and finally baked about an hour too long. I guess I’ll tell you a little bit about myself. First of all, I have morals. Good morals make good people, or so my grandma whispered just before we had her cremated. Well, technically by the time the tray was in the incinerator she had died of a mix of heat stroke, and heart attack. Also, the incinerator was the burn barrel in our backyard. Anyway, enough about some lady I called grandma. My morals are strong. Once when I was walking down the street a guy in an alley offered me some vodka. I refused, and called the police anonymously to arrest him for selling alcohol to minors. I felt proud as I walked away, lighting a cigarette as I went.

School

After finishing breakfast, I headed off to school. I was going pretty fast. I went the long way so that the caffeine from my two cans of Mountain Dew would wear off by the time I got to school. I got there in about two minutes. I saw my best friend. He was exhausted from the two mile walk from the apartment complex that we both live at.

“You should try drinking soda in the morning.” I said to him. “It keeps you awake longer.”

He looked at me strangely and pulled out a tape recorder. “Now speak into the microphone.” He spoke annoyingly slow.

I repeated what I had said to him. He then hit the slow button. I heard my voice, only in slow-motion. He pressed stop.

“No thanks,” he said. He walked into school, still out of breath.

I smiled smugly, and then collapsed out of exhaustion. I woke up to the sound of a bell. My friend was standing there.

“What happened today?” I asked him.

“The same as usual. We all slept.”

“Darn. I missed it!”

Politics

What’s the point of politics? I mean, politicians’ jobs are basically to argue with each other and make stupid laws. Soon they’re going to be making laws like, “In Texas, You’re not allowed to kiss cactuses,” or “in Alaska, if you eat yellow snow on someone else’s property, you can’t sue them.” If those are laws, please write to me and tell me otherwise. Our government is so out of whack.

The perfect government would have one person, ruling by considering the best interests of all the people, and make a decision that way. Wait, I just described a dictatorship. Shoot. Never mind! Anyway, we should model our government on the Middle East. We would be dysfunctional, constantly warring, and downright nasty! It’s a good way to reduce the surplus population!
 

Visit the Library Home Page                                                       Read the latest Library news in The Circulator